What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
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