Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
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