How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
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