What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and Speak!
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
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