Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
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