How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
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