What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
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