A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
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