Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
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