Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
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