How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
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