Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
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