What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
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