Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
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