What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
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