Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
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