Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
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