What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
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