What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
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