Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.