What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.