What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.