What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
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