What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
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