Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
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