Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.