What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
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