Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.