How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
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