I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
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