Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.