Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
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