My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
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