How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
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