What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
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