Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
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