Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
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