What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
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