What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
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