Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Goat milk?
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
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