Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
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