Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
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