What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Don't worry, bee happy!
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
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