Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? Out of the way!
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
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