Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
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