How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
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