What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
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