What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
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