Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
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