How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
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