When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
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