How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
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