What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
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