The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
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