How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
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