Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
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