Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
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