When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
You have goat to be kidding me.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
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