How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
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