How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
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