Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
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