Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
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