What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
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