How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
I asked what the lion in my wardrobe was doing.
He said it was Narnia business
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? Out of the way!
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
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