Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
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