What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
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