What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
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