What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Whatever floats your goat.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
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