What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
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