Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
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