What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
Whatever floats your goat.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
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