What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
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