What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
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