Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and Speak!
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
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