What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
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