Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
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