Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
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