Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
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