What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
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