When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
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