What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
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