How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
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