A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
I like you, you croc my world.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
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