What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
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