Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
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