Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
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