What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
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