What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
You have goat to be kidding me.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
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