What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
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