How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
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