What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
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