What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
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