What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
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